getting involved with people who are involved

[marrow]

here's the deal.

a female friend of mine recently became involved with (slept with) a man who is married with kids.
several months back she told me she really liked him, but would not let anything happen cos he was married with kids &
1: he would never leave his wife for her
2: she didn't want to be perceived as a homewrecker.

i totally disagree with her behaviour, i think it's morally wrong, but also think that the majority of the blame should fall on the bloke in this case- he's the one with the family.

what i want to know is what you guys & girls think; who is most at fault in situations like this? should the blame for any trouble caused fall firmly on the shoulders of the person in the relationship? or is the outsider also at fault?

[Natoksane]

They should both take the blame for not being mature about the situation. The guy with family definitely knew what he was doing was wrong, as did your friend.

[Flarty]

obvious innit, my dad did the same thing about 3 years ago, so me and my brother both gave him a slap, and called her a slag, ita both their faults

[Kester]

It's not the outside persons fault, they aren't attached to the family in anyway. The blame firmly rests on the person who is already in a relationship. They after all are the ones with the family to hurt, where as the outside person has no emotional attachment to these people.

[Flarty]

yeah but they could still respect the fact that theirs a family at stake.

[Delphic]

I agree with Kester, it's the person in the relationship's responsibility entirely.

That said the outsider should know better, but it's hard if you've got an emotional attachment to someone whilst not having any with their partner / family to not want to.... do stuff.

So, the outsider needs a telling off, the person in the relationship needs shooting. [NB: slight exageration]

[redgrassbridge]

How does it even matter whose fault it is? The matter should be resolving the conflict this will create among all involved (or preventing it, if it is early enough) so as to minimize the damage it deals to all of their lives.

[Mercer]

In my opinion, it's not the person who is the extra illitict lover's fault at all. Yes, some people wouldn't be that person who is helping the involved person cause they consider it immoral. but that invovlved person has been looking to cheat! they are going to do it with SOMEONE. Also the person they are cheating on really chose wrong or needs to shape up! Now, i've never been in this situation btw, but that's what i think

[Tesseract]

I think it is wrong for a woman to sleep with a married man especially since there are children involved. She knows it's wrong and there really isn't any way to justify it as appropriate. However greater blame should be addressed by the man who has cheated.

[Mercer]

Negatory...Women aren't dumb or in less control of their emotions or actions any more or less than men are.

Also, A man cheating on his wife is just as guilty as a woman who cheats on her spouse.

And does your example go both ways?

[geekofalltrades]

Clearly, both are to blame. The man has just been getting the short end of the stick in this case because there are more people he can potentially hurt. Both parties should have known that the behavior was absolutely innapropriate before it began. I also agree with Redgrassbridge a little bit on this one.

[wolfer]

I agree with GOAT on this one. Both parties should have realized that their behaviour was wrong towards the man's spouse, and should have taken it no further than a friendship.

[Kester]

What if the outside party doesn't know of the spouse of the other person, until after the relationship has developed?

[Delphic]

Which to make a dangerous sweeping generalisation would probably, more often than not, be the case?

[Kester]

One would assume, yes.

[geekofalltrades]

In that case the married one does get the blame, because not only did they cheat on their spouse, they withheld the fact that they were already in a relationship from the person they were cheating with and allowed that person to grow close to them. (Basically, they just cheated on both people.)

[El]

I think that both people should be held responible equally, unless the outside person had no idea that the other had a family.

But if they both knew, they should both act more mature, and take measures to prevent anything before it gets to a bad point.

[nathster]

If the person outside the family is involved with the person with a family without knowledge of so, then it is not that person's fault, However if they are informed and decide to keep doing it, then they are in the wrong. Especially the person the Husband/Wife.
They Should realise the effect it will have on there partner and defintely there kids, Especially if there doing exams. There mind will be wrecked, and depending on the emotional type of person the kids are will react very bad to it.

If either of those two, The Lover and especially the wife/husband say "I love her/him" its bull.. It's all about sex. Thats the thing with this soceity Love is overrated now. When your in it and it is proper then its perfect and it ain't overrated but when you cheat on them especially after marrying them and saying "I Love you" your basically just saying a F*ck you, to your partner and your kids.

[bluseychris]

here's the deal.

a female friend of mine recently became involved with (slept with) a man who is married with kids.
several months back she told me she really liked him, but would not let anything happen cos he was married with kids &
1: he would never leave his wife for her
2: she didn't want to be perceived as a homewrecker.

i totally disagree with her behaviour, i think it's morally wrong, but also think that the majority of the blame should fall on the bloke in this case- he's the one with the family.

what i want to know is what you guys & girls think; who is most at fault in situations like this? should the blame for any trouble caused fall firmly on the shoulders of the person in the relationship? or is the outsider also at fault?

It's both their fault, takes two to tango. I've dated a married woman before but she was going through a divorce at the time, her home was well and truly wrecked already. Never date anyone in a relationship, wait till it's over and then make your move.

[nathster]

I've been in the kids position..

Well my parents are going through a divorce.

My mum went out with some other man who is divorced, I didn't like him to be honest, lucky for me. My Mum seen sense and left him around 2 months later.

a while later, My Dad went out with some woman from his work (Work + Pleasure = Bad bad news)
Anyway I met her, and I felt awkard couldn't look at her in the eye..

Anyway that lasted for over a month before it ended, my parents are still divorced, but still as long my parents are happy its good, I just don't want to be tossed to one side.